Quiet all the noise


[what is the noise]


You’ve undoubtedly heard the cliché “there’s voices in my head”.  Or, what am I thinking. That’s noise. Noise is the conversation your conscious mind is having with your subconscious mind. It’s both of those consciousness’s battling with your Collective Unconscious pathology. In addition, your collective unconscious maybe, left brain versus right brain or ego versus logic.  I can, I can’t , I hope, it can happen, I never will.  Either way it amounts to all the talking to yourself.  It’s the fight of self not being able to reason to a point of reaching the human condition of “I want to feel good and am willing to do what it takes as long as no one else gets hurt. When we feel good our brain is in harmony.  Its when there is a balance of Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine. In short, it’s the balance of Cortisol. These emotions can throw us in to such a state of imbalance. Though, at times our desire to feel good is in a hurry and we use synthetics to get to feel good. Could be drugs, alcohol or Oreos.  We strive to quiet the noise.






Like an addict of many vices, we can only hope we reach a point when we look at our self in the mirror and embrace a profound understanding that we are off balance and truly desire change.  Too often, waiting until we reach this moment of exhaustion awareness, puts us at the brink of danger. However, the moment of knowing something is wrong is the trigger of awareness. If we are fortunate, our immature mind will feel the desire for change before we are at the brink of dangerous consequence.  The trigger is when we say, there must be a better way to do life.

The delay in this viola occurs because we are comparing the best of our past with the present pain.  We have little idea that our life has more spectacular levels. The understanding that something is truly amiss is the miracle of the universe.  Be it not mistaken; At the time we reach awareness, there must be a willingness to work and accept discovery from a place totally foreign to our self.  It is a place we would never have thought to look before.

Once in my life something came over me.  I’m not really sure how it happened but my conscious mind sought another way. Some call it spiritualism.  Others call it quantum. Regardless of the source the awareness overcame me.  Those who haven’t experienced it don’t understand, don’t believe and will judge.  You can’t convince them.  Learn to manage the noise in your head. Your happiness comes first as long as you commit to not intentionally hurting others.  When you commit to staying on this path you will learn the energy of the universe, be it quantum or God, will net you great results.

I know, I’m proof.

[Stay on course]


Imagine how many noisy arguments Princess Dianna, Madonna, Indira Gandhi, Mary Magdalene, Lizzo, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and the Write brothers had with themselves about the possible versus the impossible. None of them had more than hope, passion and persistence.  They were or are all human. You are mistaken If you think they didn’t have the noise in there head as well.  Stay on course.  Don’t give up.  You can do this.

For some reason, and in spite of all my inner conflict, I continued to invent myself.  Although I must say, my Grim Reaper had me in question of myself.  For many years I was passionate even though alcohol misguided me.  I pushed but I was not really aware of what I was doing or of my true capabilities.  I was the one who created all the mental blocks in my head.  I call it my own Grim Reaper.  One thing I didn’t realize is there was a resource I was not aware of.  Because I wasn’t shown all the doors.  Not until I began to look where I never thought to look did, I really begin to grow.


Once upon a time I applied to a psych course at a local college.  I guess my enthusiasm to learn about human behavior, mostly mine, precipitated a response from one professor, “Your psychotic” , I laughed out loud. The definition is loss of touch with reality and hearing voices.  Well, the part about hearing voices was true. I knew I was nuts and wanted out. So I persisted.  I was invited into a senior class by another professor.  I think the facts are, I’m more in touch with reality than many.  At this point, we either head for the hills or accept and persist.   So many people in my circle suffer from symptoms of Psychosis that I’m beginning to tell myself I should return to their thinking. BULL!!!! They’re really not crazy.  They merely haven’t been hit by a large enough psychological meteor to think about change.   If I was never struck, this little boy from Cleveland, born to an immigrant dad and first generation mom, who loved me dearly, but didn’t have the cultural back ground to help me, would never have made the personal accomplishments I have. More on that later.


[What would God Say to all this]


During our journey of self-discovery we will be introduced to multiple theories.  We are not accustom to managing our life with pure innocent judgment. We are wired to feel good and often fall prey to or seek outside support.  Religion throws the mix of human interpretation to the God dynamic.  We need religion.  In spite of all its misguided theories of God, there are too many lost soles who require hand holding.  Humans are taught to live for the afterlife. They are taught to fear God.  What I can’t understand is this; God, who professed by man to create the endless universe in all its perfection and insist he be worshiped rather than his principles of love be followed.  Why do humans think that they should wait at the God bus stop for some sign? Its because they are too misunderstood to take on their greatness.  If God is all true, he would want you to maximize your human talents and go for it.  its all fine if you need this to move gently but please don’t underestimate your talent.  The noise will be in your head for years to come.  You are perfect in the human sense.  You only need to lift the shroud of all the rotten things you came to believe about yourself.  When you do, you can let the God bus go buy and rise up even higher.  Now that’s when God will smile.


 [The point is to kill or quiet our inner grim reaper.  THAT IS THE POINT.]


Self-defeating thoughts is not an uncommon behavior.  We don’t have to condemn ourselves about it.  just do something about it. Change!!! Look in a place you do not know about. Ask questions.  Try new knowledge.

Do you think Simone Biles does not have noise?  I don’t think she became a world champ by residing in her grim reaper.

I’m here to say I’ve been to the breaking point more than once.  Often hiding under the dark covers of safety. My first drunk began at 14. Then for many years, alcohol, marijuana and sex were my quick fix.   I chased relief through those escapes. They became addictions because my DNA was designed to be submissive to myself. Without proper training my self-esteem was not properly developed at a young age. Insecurity set in early.  I learned to trigger my dopamine and feel good trough alcohol. During that time. I also became a skydiver, pilot, rafter and more.  They were not enjoyed by my true excellence.  I never understood the real source of my pain or how to approach resolve.  How could I. it was like expecting me to learn another language without guidance.  Its tough for an immature mind to self-actuate.  I can’t blame outside forces for not helping me.  I had no guidance so I can’t have a redo to say what would have worked. My parents loved me, but their culture was not framed to understand.  As for school, as long as I didn’t create waves I was moved on to the next grade.  The facts are, somehow, I made it through high school and promoted to petty officer E-4 in the navy without having read ONE book.  How does that happen.  The first book I read was porn, out at sea.  That’s right.  I made it to 17 years old in the Navy without reading one book. How could society allow me to make it this far down the path with these credentials.

I constantly struggled to escape from the shroud of the hangman’s noose. My efforts always short lived because unbeknown to me, I was doing life like running at top speed through a dark room. The result was frustration and discouragement.  Always looking outside myself for resolve. There were times I just couldn’t get drunk so I developed this knack for sympathy from others.  They said “He is such a nice guy”. It wasn’t until I was 41 before the magic dust of transformation came over me. That’s right, 41.  Don’t think because some is of some lawful age of adulthood that they now should know better.  If that was true than why do so many adults drive drunk and not learn until they kill someone.  If they really, I mean really knew better why on earth would they take the chance of hurting someone.  Along the path I not only hurt my family, lost my family and ruined my integrity and was left isolated with a hand full of new possibilities. When I was released from jail I had the strong notion that I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  What I did know is I did not want to live my life as it was. That, my friends, is called a reality check.  The only way to escape from the dark cloak was to search where I hadn’t searched before.  Kind of like Captain Kirk saying where no man has gone before.  I call it being in discovery.  Somehow I tripped over a self-help book.  I got a taste of Ah Ha. It was 42 years of age before I discovered reading.  Yep, reading self help and spiritual books.  For a short while it was God and religion.  Soon after I found more inconsistencies in the teachings of religion. Religion offered too many excuses for man to remain stagnant. Let me be clear, I think man has made up all the rules because one man wouldn’t believe another man just because he said so.  Sure, people found solace in the word. I call it escape. I often hear, “I’m waiting for God to show the sign” . that’s all too limiting. As Bob Goff, writer, put it.  Jesus wants us to knock down doors. Discouraged, I moved on to more of self growth materials.  Teachings of motivation and peace.  Identifying my inner struggles. Readings on finding balance.  Don’t get me wrong, all the bible stuff did not go by the wayside.  There are some strong principles to live by.  Its just too many humans are teaching too many inconsistencies about the God theory. I’m living the principles but relying more on Quantum and energy forces of our universe. Maybe that’s God.   I find too many people in my circle seem to be hiding behind some of the bent principles.  They are justifying some sort of self imposed abatement from freedom by saying all in God’s time.  I support a system of higher power if we understand we are in control of our destiny.  Destiny meaning “ ‘til death do we part”.  I don’t support a system controlled by what may or may not happen after that.   I think man alone should set his relationship between himself and the higher power.  There are many examples that higher power walk with the principles rather than worship them.  somehow the manipulators threw in the fear factor.

[ we are the pilot of our life]


We are a magical machine designed to be our own pilot. If we want it to be faster and more stream lined it is our job to make the adjustment.  We can skyrocket and be more whole and rounded If we are fortunate to connect with another of our kind.  Even then, I believe we must learn an inner balance before we can juggle another human in our life. Any other way forces control and friction.

That doesn’t mean wait until we are perfect to love.  We should jump and learn. Trial and lesson. Don’t defeat your ego or make your partner the opponent if it doesn’t work out.  Its not failure.  It’s a lesson toward success.


[secret of freedom]


I’ve learned the secret to personal freedom is self love.  Self love regardless of all the sharp arrows fired at us. The truth for me was transformation from self-demonizing to personal freedom seemed almost unfathomable. So full of self-doubt originating with a base of collective unconscious and garnished by real negative life domestication.  I was not in acceptance of my personal feelings. Mostly because I feared being rejected by others.  I am a male who had no desire for sports. The way my bones, joint and muscles were formed I could not throw a ball with targeted grace. That inability transformed insecurity and then into fear of self-defense.  I came so close to ending my life.  I often felt like an off colored balloon set free in a room of many.  The others seemed to be gyro controlled with direction.  All the time, my gyro was broken. I waited for a crash at any moment. While on my path to self love and personal freedom I learned some gratitude for defeating some of my internal demons.




For some, this journal may ring a loud bell of “Ah ha. You might say “ I wasn’t alone.”  You may even think I’m crazy.  Some do.

For me, I knew there was a way out other than accepting self-deprivation”.

For some others who were born with a collective unconscious more balance in love and nearly demon-less domestication, you are so fortunate not to have had to work through this mess. Further, you may not be able to relate to any of this unless you took to books to uncover the psych of those of us who are either pushing to work through it or are also too blind to realize there is resolve. Was Vincent Willem van Gogh really crazy or was he in reality of truth.

Some are blind to see more clarity, may live at a level of mediocrity forever.   Try to understand, you don’t know what you don’t know. If you never experienced whipped cream and sprinkles on your ice-cream, you’re happy with just the ice-cream. Your missing out on the taste you can’t imagine.  Three years ago at 66 I attempted summit of Mt Orizaba, the third highest in North America.  At 15k I sat on a rock and talked myself into ending there.  I was good with it.  it was a talk I had with the Jesus guy. At least that was my logic.  I now know it was my conscious mind negotiating with my unconscious mind.  I now believe Jesus would have said GO FOR IT.  Since then and each time I worked at the gym, the vision of that very spot came before me.  Jesus doesn’t tell you to quit.  If he is there he wants you to knock down doors.  At least that is what writer Bob Goff says.  That vision kept haunting me until January 11 2020. At age 70 & ½ I said I’m returning to summit.  I trained and worked.  I returned.  This time, 17k of 18,491.  This time it was different. Total exhaustion hit me and I returned.  This time I knew I could not fly without wings.  My body was out of fuel.  My psych not screwing with me.  I probably could have made it but would have had to be airlifted off the volcano. The problem with human psych is all that noisy conversation.  By the way, when you go up a mountain you should not underestimate the effort it takes to come down. It ain’t like a super slide.  It’s almost tougher than climbing up.  I was happy.  Well for the most part anyway. The point was my fight was between me and my demons, not some outside perception.  I won.

For those who read this and feel stuck, I’m proof there is hope.  Problems arise with the limitations we place on ourselves.  The fractured excuses we use to limit abilities is noise in our head. Flight begins with a dream.  Those magic thoughts that now and then pop up in our conscious mind. Then we must be aware the grim reaper will try to break us down. At times the grim reaper will go dormant only to be fed buy other humans that are not prepared to be aware.  What they do is trigger your grim reaper with taunting that you can’t rise up.  All this because they don’t have the drive to rise up themselves.  And those nay Sayers may be as they are.




Today I’m happy to say, although far from perfect, I am a skydiver, white water rafter, pilot of planes, mountain climber and past owner of successful businesses.  The most gratifying feeling is of being a simple street boy from Cleveland Ohio that is happy with who I am regardless of what others say. I do my best to love and forgive humanity for all our differences.  That doesn’t mean I lay back and get walked on.  It only means I continue to achieve with not hurting others along my journey.

As a fellow human on a planet of all possibilities, I wish you safe travels and great heights.